What does it really mean to be real and to be vulnerable? Can you do it while still trying to please everyone?

These may sound like joke, but really, I’m asking… for a friend, obviously.

I aim to share real things. There have been so many experiences I’ve poised to write, only to find they sit in my drafts collecting dust. Experiences I know that others out there may be able to help someone else and remind them that they are not alone in the dark places they find themself. But then I freeze and think of everyone else.

it’s hard when our stories are so tangled up with other people’s. Few stories are truly independent, and often when we open ourselves up to sharing those stories we’re also opening up someone else as well. It’s hard to share certain experiences without inadvertently dragging someone else into it, whether you mean to or not. How do I share some of the trauma from my childhood that’s caused some of the most hurt without also dragging along my family, who may or may not be ready to have those stories shared? On top of it, they may not even agree or remember the same things the same way I do? I grew up in the church and have since recognized how that’s shaped some of my worst world views – how do I share those experiences without also offending the many people I still love and call friends who are still part of that world? How do I share the very normal struggles of marriage that so many can relate to, without dragging my husband into it? I can’t. Even with those I know are supportive like my husband, it puts them, at best, in an awkward place.

There’s a line between being brave and sharing your story, and being an asshole. That line can be thin at times, and nearly invisible at others. Despite my typical blasé attitude I am generally a people pleaser, and I definitely don’t want to hurt those close to me, so I’ve avoided sharing a lot of stories that involve other people, or even might just offend them, leaving most of what I’ve shared to be fairly milk-toast at best. The truth is that the only way to “protect everyone” is to avoid hard topics altogether, leaving you sharing only the bleached clean highlight reel of life. While I love seeing people’s highlight reels, they don’t change me or move me. At best they might sell me something.

There may be a total of ten people who read my itty bitty corner of the internet, but I would rather give them something real. Something they can relate to and something that reminds them that they’re not the only one eating frozen cauliflower pizza alone on a Friday night while watching a documentary and feeling like a loser.

Okay, that one might actually just be me, but you know what I mean. While I love sharing the triumphs, especially if they can help someone else figure out how to find their own wins, I also want to be there to remind people that they’re not the only ones who have anxiety for the week leading up to a family event, or fight with their husbands on vacation, or sometimes lay awake wondering how in the world they got here. I want to be open to being open, even if it’s not perfect and I spend nights worrying whether it will offend my neighbor from when I was ten.

So here’s to being real. Even if it really is scary.